Ever seen grown adults storm out of a workshop… over cake? 🍰 Meet Poor Paula — left out of a birthday celebration and in tears. Sounds small, but exclusion hurts. Literally. Neuroscience shows “social pain” activates the same brain regions as physical pain. So how do we stop creating it at work? Start with curiosity, connection, and belonging — because it’s never just about the cake.

Not all connections are created equal. Some fill your cup, others quietly drain it. In this blog, we explore how a simple relationship audit can help you identify which relationships add value, which drain energy, and how to invest intentionally in connections that truly support your growth and wellbeing.

The feeling of exclusion, of being left out, is real pain! Cast your mind to my experience as an 8-year-old schoolgirl being left out of lunchtime sport. Neuroscientists have labelled the feelings of isolation, rejection, and exclusion as 'social pain'. The same part of the brain that activates when we feel physical pain lights up when we experience social pain. To us social beings, us humans: social pain is real pain.

Trust is the cornerstone to connection and we decide in 33 milliseconds! The first step in the Connect-Ability formula is to Discover Uncommon Commonalities. Like attracts like, so a simple hack is to choose your attire wisely—first impressions really do count. It doesn't mean you need to get all dolled up, but think about matching your style to the situation's context. Remember, our brain decides to trust someone in 33 milliseconds!

Behind every toxic workplace, every failing team, every leader who's struggling to connect, there's usually the same root cause: people have forgotten how to genuinely connect with each other. Connection isn't some mysterious talent - it's a skill that can be learned, practiced, and mastered.