“I said I’d get back to them...”
You know that sinking feeling when you realise you forgot to follow up on something you promised? You move on. The other person often doesn’t. They notice, and over time those small gaps shape how much they trust you.
The neuroscience of trust
Trust is built in the micro moments, not the big ones. Research on behavioural integrity (the perceived match between what a leader says and what they do) shows that when people see words and actions line up, trust in that leader rises. When they don’t, it falls.
The brain’s negativity bias makes this lopsided. Psychologist Rick Hanson describes the mind as Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. Bad events carry more weight than good ones, and trust is far easier to lose than to build. One broken promise can outweigh several kept ones.
The business case is strong too. Paul Zak’s research on workplace trust found that people at high-trust organisations reported 74% less stress, 76% more engagement and 50% higher productivity than those at low-trust organisations.
What I see in workplaces
Leaders who are strategically brilliant but can’t understand why their teams aren’t engaged. I ask, “Do you do what you say you’ll do?”
“Well, yes, but sometimes I get busy...”
Your brain knows you're busy. Their brain thinks you don't prioritise them.
Your presence sets the tone as well. People unconsciously pick up on the emotions and behaviours of those around them. Show up distracted, half present and checking your phone, and you’ll often get the same back. Show up fully present, make eye contact and listen, and they’re more likely to match it.
What actually works
Keep a “promises made” list. It sounds basic, but if you commit to sending that document, checking that policy or circling back on their question, write it down.
Make check-ins regular. Not only when there’s a problem, and not annually. Regular, predictable contact reduces uncertainty, which David Rock’s SCARF model identifies as a key driver of threat, and it builds connection.
Own it when you stuff up. “I said I’d have that answer by Friday and I dropped the ball. Here’s when you’ll actually have it.” Research on leader humility and fallibility, including Amy Edmondson’s work at Harvard, suggests that leaders who admit mistakes make it safer for their teams to speak up.
A real example
A senior executive I worked with was frustrated that his team never brought him problems. “They always wait and then it blows up into a crisis!”
We tracked his pattern: in the past, when someone did attempt to raise issues with him, he was “too busy” to deal with it properly. He thought he was being efficient. His team learned not to bother him unless something was on fire.
We introduced a 15-minute weekly check-in, with his phone away and no interruptions. Issues started surfacing early, while they were still small and manageable. More importantly, trust between him and his team started to slowly rebuild.
Your action
Audit yourself this week. How many small commitments are you making, and how many are you keeping?
What’s one small commitment you could start keeping consistently to build more trust with your team?
Next week, Part 3: Foster Growth and Motivation.