You're in the meeting. The comment lands wrong. Your stomach tightens. You know you should say something.
But what, exactly?
This is where most bystander intervention advice fails us. It tells us to "speak up" without giving us the actual words or practical approaches.
Here's what changes everything:
You don't need one way to intervene. You need multiple options.
The Intervention Spectrum 🌈
Effective intervention isn't about being confrontational. It's about having a toolkit you can match to the situation, your comfort level, and the context. From indirect approaches such as distracting the person to create a circuit breaker, to directly addressing the person in the moment or maybe the best approach is to escalate the situation and delegate to someone with more authority or expertise.
One size does not fit all - there is no prescription!
The power is in having multiple pathways so you can act instead of freezing.
Language That Works 💬
You don't need perfect words. You need phrases you've practised so your brain can access them under stress.
For direct intervention:
"I'm not comfortable with that language used in the office."
"Can we pause there? That felt off."
For inquiry:
"I’m curious what you mean by that comment?"
"Can you explain that differently?"
For support:
"I noticed what happened. That didn’t seem okay to me. Are you okay?"
Notice what these have in common? They're short. Clear. They are not personal. They are objective. They don't require explaining or justifying yourself.
Why Practice Matters 💯
Reading about intervention doesn't prepare you to intervene. Practice does.
Practice makes Possible!
When you play out scenarios - actually saying the words, feeling the awkwardness, trying approaches - you build neural pathways. Your brain learns that intervention is survivable.
The first time you say "That comment doesn't sit right with me," it feels clunky. The tenth time, more natural. The twentieth time, your brain can access it even when stress hormones hit.
This is why training with scenario practice works. You're not learning concepts - you're building muscle memory.
Two Tracks: Behaviour and Support ✅
Track 1: Address the behaviour. Disrupt, redirect, or call it out.
Track 2: Support the person targeted. Check in. Validate. Offer help.
You don't have to do both in the same moment. Sometimes the most effective approach is to distract now, support later.
From Awareness to Capability 🤓
Ineffective training: "Bullying is bad. Be an upstander." (Motivated but clueless about what to actually do.)
Effective training: "Here are six approaches. Let's practice them in realistic scenarios. Here's how to match the approach to the context."
You leave with capability, not just intention.
The Bottom Line ✅
You don't need to be naturally confident or confrontational. You need:
✓ Multiple options so you can act within your comfort level
✓ Practised language your brain can access under stress
✓ Understanding of context to match the approach to the situation
✓ Permission to act imperfectly
There are no bystanders - only people who've been equipped to act, and people who haven't yet.
The question is: are you ready to upskill? 🤔
You want to know more about how Blythe creates meaningful connections? ✨
👉 Check out Blythe’s LinkedIn profile to read more articles and blogs!
