Connection Isn't Optional—It's Neurological

In our hybrid world, genuine connection has become both harder to create and more critical than ever. When we feel truly seen, our brains release oxytocin, reducing stress and enhancing creativity. Yet workplace isolation has tripled since 2020, directly impacting engagement and performance.

The question isn't whether connection matters—it's how we create it intentionally.

Micro-Moments Matter

My youngest daughter, Matilda, is currently in Year 10 at Stella Maris College Manly, and this year we welcomed a new principal, Mrs Sharyn Quirk. Being new to the school, Mrs Quirk had a choice in her first year: focus on policies and procedures, or invest in relationships first. She chose the latter.

Her strategy?

In her very first year at her new school, Mrs Quirk made a bold decision: she would write a handwritten birthday card to every single student in the college. All 1200 of them! She would then hand-deliver the card, walking to classrooms throughout the year to surprise students on their special day.
This wasn't tradition or expectation—this was intentional strategy. As a new principal, she knew that trust and connection don't come with the title; they're earned through genuine investment in relationships.

When my daughter received hers, she didn't just feel happy. This is a 16-year-old who rarely discusses school or teachers and had never mentioned the previous principal in three years. In that micro-moment, she felt seen.In a school of 1200 students, she felt like she belonged.

The Neuroscience of Being Seen

What happened in Matilda’s brain that day mirrors what happens in workplaces when people feel genuinely recognised.

The anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), responsible for social pain and pleasure, lit up with positive signals. Her sense of psychological safety—that foundational element for performance and innovation—was reinforced. The hippocampus encoded not just the memory of receiving the card, but the associated feelings of value and belonging.

This neurological response explains why small, personal micro-moments often have a disproportionate impact. The brain doesn't distinguish between the size of the gesture and the size of the intention behind it. A handwritten card activates the same neural pathways as a major promotion when it comes to feeling valued and connected.

In hybrid workplaces, this principle becomes even more powerful. When physical presence is limited, intentional acts of recognition cut through digital noise with remarkable clarity.

The Ripple Effect

The principal's impact extended far beyond individual students. Teachers adopted similar practices. Student engagement soared. Even as a parent who rarely got involved at school, I felt an increased sense of appreciation and connection. One leader's signature move created ripples of connection, building the trust foundation that would support everything else she hoped to accomplish.

This reflects the neuroscience of "emotional contagion"—when leaders model intentional connection, it permits others to do the same.

The ‘Principal Principle’

What made this principal extraordinary wasn't her intellect, her positional power or her accomplishments on her CV — it was her understanding that making others feel genuinely seen and valued isn't just part of leadership, it is leadership.

This "Principal Principle", whilst simple, is incredibly effective in terms of building trust, connection and driving results.

The beauty? This principle applies to everyone. 

You don't need authority or budget—just intention and consistency. The key is finding your signature move—that uniquely personal way you help others feel seen.

Your Signature Move

This brings us to the essential question: What's your signature move?

Not your company's recognition program or your team's standard practices, but your personal, authentic way of making others feel seen, valued and connected. What small, consistent action could you take that would help colleagues, family members, or community members feel genuinely seen?

In hybrid workplaces, this might be:

  • Remembering personal details from casual conversations

  • Sending handwritten notes to remote colleagues

  • Starting meetings by acknowledging something personal about team members

  • Celebrating wins in ways that reflect individual preferences

Our principal's signature move was writing handwritten birthday cards to every student. What's yours?

The Connection Challenge

Authentic connection has become more precious because it's more difficult. The organisations and communities that thrive will be those where individuals take personal responsibility for making others feel valued.

Neuroscience tells us why it matters. Principal Quirks' story shows what is possible.

Now you simply need to consider:

What's your signature move for making others feel valued?

Because somewhere, someone is waiting to feel like they matter. And you have the power to make that happen, one micro-moment at a time.

✨ If you want to learn more about why micro moments matter, watch Blythe’s video! 👇🏻